i will wait.

There is a difficult balance of emotion and willpower that is required for being a single woman in her late twenty's. Everyone has unique struggles at different stages of life, but finding that balance of being content amidst so much desire for "what's to come" proves especially difficult some days more than others. It's like i have no real balance... I'm usually on either side of that spectrum, overly content with where I am at and thankful that I only have to account for myself (and my dog), or I'm caught in moments of wishing i knew what was next: who he was, where he is, and when we'll get to live life together.

Songs speak to me. And usually there is a song that completes my thoughts/feelings on either side of that spectrum, but rarely does one fill the balance of those two: learning to be content, while still dreaming for what's to come. So many songs that have any semblance of "singleness" are so sad and depressing and overly romantic: why is that?! Just because I'm single doesn't mean I want to only listen to overly sappy sad love songs. (Well, there are those days, of course)... Or the songs about being content are strictly spiritual songs (worship songs): which of course is not a bad thing. I noticed yesterday that it's rare to find a song that can balance those two: that characterizes my heart in a spiritual sense, as well as a romantic sense. It's like a "love song" can only be one or the other: either we're singing about Jesus or we're singing about "that boy" ... I want a song that fits for both. Because i'm in the middle of both.

Then there was this song: and I've had it on repeat for days. Literally, i've been repeating this one song... for days.

First of all, i adore this group of musicians. Second, I am overly eager about this new album. But ultimately... I love this song because it balances exactly how i feel these days... as a single woman: this song has managed to be able to speak to me spiritually as I am constantly learning more about Jesus and what it means to wait for him... and this song relays exactly how I feel emotionally - the days of waiting, the learning to let my head lead as well as my heart, the need for strength and patience and persistence...and hope.

now i'll be bold / as well as strong and use my head alongside my heart so tame my flesh / and fix my eyes a tethered mind freed from the lies and i'll kneel down / wait for now and i'll kneel down / know my ground raise my hands / paint my spirit gold bow my head / keep my heart slow... 'cuz i will wait, i will wait for you...

I'm still learning... always learning: to be content with my place in life. To be excited about every day; to pursue people with love and intention; to dig deeper into understanding who Christ is while i have the opportunity of it just being "me and Him" ... still learning that it's ok to hope for the days when my singleness stretch of life will be past; I don't have to bury those desires just to keep strong. I need balance. I need my head to tell my heart to be content... I need my heart to remind my head that it's ok to dream...

and i'll kneel down...
wait for now.
i will wait...