thunder rolls through

i sigh with satisfaction at each roll of thunderas the rain beats down its heavy-laden sorrowand washes away the weighted questions in my heart...and tonight i'll sleep peacefully.:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::i am rarely more content than when i'm sitting in the midst of a thuderstorm.this is another piece that i wrote fall of last year during a storm that woke me up.:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::. . . the heavy pounding of rain quickened with every beat.each second flooded with a wave of hurried excitement.the next crash of thunder stole my slumberful attention as i rolled on my side. my heart skipped a beat at the realization of a nearing storm. my attention was fully grasped the moment the darkness took over.all black.all silent.except for the roars of thunder above the bright displays of lightning.it has been so long since my heart has felt like this. thrilling.i took my time to crawl out of bed...i knew i would need to reset my alarm at some point.that dull orange blinking just wouldn't do for the next hours of the night.perched by the window, i felt like i was almost at home - there were many nights where i curled up on the windowsill to watch a glorious display of lightning with the loud cries of thunder that rolled through the valley in the middle of the night.tonight was no exception to the glory ... as i sat there, each clap of thunder struck a chord in my heart. the nearness of it all just closed around my mind.pure dark once again... lights slowly flickered on here and there.with the next thundering crash, a car panicked for a few seconds...warning off its predator for just a moment or two.again, the lights outside my window gave in to the overpowering storm.i just sat there in awe... the rain beating furiously against the pavement.i watched one car roll by... several hurried figures ran past the towering lightposts and back into the night shadows. my mind assumes that perhaps the inside of their car is now soaked with memories of tonight's storm.thunder rolls off in the distance. the storm is slowly fading away.sirens wail off in the distance... but they cease soon after they've begun.all is silent once again.i grab my cell phone to look at the time... making an obvious decision to carry it back up to my bed with me - i would need to reset my clock at some point.that orange blinking just wouldn't do...one last glance out the window before i left my perch to head for rest.my heart felt so full. satisfied, perhaps?i just couldn't leave the racing thoughts in my mind to surrender to sleep...they would be lost in the night just as much as the storm passing through.. . . i can't help but think .... . . how majestic is my God.majesty....finally...here.

i shed tears in class

i sat in class tonight - the one that i attend only once a week for an hour -and i couldn't help but hold back tears.sometimes i feel as though no one else truly understands my heart.sometimes i feel as though no one else truly understands their designed purpose.i sit at the feet of wise words and guiding direction...i have recently and often been challenged to contemplate my purpose in life.why was i created? who am i to be? who am i now?tonight we were going through Ephesians 5:21-33 and Colossians 3:18-19.these passages overwhelm my heart yet satisfy my soul.to hear in words tonight that i want to be in a relationship where i am HONORED -wow.my heart was verbalized.i can only pray now that one day i will be in a relationship where i am VALUED and found WORTHY... because that's all i want. i want to hear that i am valuable and that i am INDESPENSIBLE. because i was formed and CREATED to be an indespensible helper... that is my true nature! i am just waiting for that day when i am privileged enough to submit to one man... to voluntarily surrender my will to one man... not because i am inferior or incapable of things... but because I want to serve in that way... to RESPECT one man... because that is how I was designed! to have an inner character that reflects a quiet spirit and a submissive attitude.i must learn to respect. submit.i want to be honored. understood.and wow, is patience hard.i can't wait for this relationship and yet i can't even imagine the reality.i struggle, i suppose.with waiting. i guess even with growing while waiting....that's all for now.but boy was it ever hard to not let the tears flow and cry out"yes! i want that relationship! i want to emulate Christ and the church through my relationship with one man someday!"it's so easy to say "where is he."it's so hard to say "how am i today?" or "am i ready?"but i guess it's not about being "ready"...rather about what i'm doing during this time of waiting...this is not loneliness. it's more... i don't know. contentment, perhaps?i was created for big things.i just can't wait until i am paired with someone else created for big things, and together we explode and do huge things for Christ.i'm crazy, i know.whatever... i feel some things just need to be shared.